


Schlafwandler

by gruener_regen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Comfort, Coping, Crying, Erwin's big dick, F/M, Genderfluid Hange Zoë, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Paranoia, Polar Bears - Freeform, Reunions, Tags to be added, it's fine, literally everbody will come back, mild anxiety, nighttime incontinence, only sexual content concerning the veterans, there's condoms in his size
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gruener_regen/pseuds/gruener_regen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin Smith, successful founder of Survey Company can't sleep. Or maybe he can't stay awake. Who even knows what is what anymore? Stoically, he climbs the ladder to success holding onto every straw of reality to keep the monsters from his dreams away from him. But they're not just dreams, are they? Erwin can't breathe, he rarely ever can. His right arm hurts and he doesn't know why. Well, yes, he does but he doesn't want to believe that. He doesn't want to believe that his nightmare might have been or might someday be his reality. So he denies. He denies and he watches romcoms and disney movies in the middle of the night to soothe his fear. It's hard to realize how lonely you are, when you never knew what it was like not to be. But now he isn't lonely any more. He knows when he's dreaming and when he's awake. He can breathe. He has Hange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heads up guys, I'm not a regular updater, but rest assured I will update.  
> This story is for coping. If there is any character in snk who died, suffered or missed someone, search no further, here you will find their happy end.  
> This will contain a ridiculous amount of angst followed by an even more ridiculous amount of comfort and coping. REUNIONS! So many reunions! With tears! And hugs! And for all you dirty people out there, yes also some smut. only between the veterans though. This story has much more plot than porn though, especially since it's my first story to even contain smut. But be warned, even that will be full of tears and coping.   
> If there is anything you ship and you want a special renunion, tell me. I'll do my best to include it.   
> Since this is my form of coping, it will likely go on for a pretty long time. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> The song to this chapter is Shape of my heart by Sting
> 
> Message me on tumblr : https://gruener-regen.tumblr.com/

Chapter One: Shape of my heart

A shimmer of sweat covered his body as it writhed beneath the light sheets. The dreams had never been pleasant. Rarely could they even be called dreams. Nightmares full of pain and blood and a heavy sense of responsibility that made him wonder whether he was really awake to gather the energy for sleep and not the other way around. 

He never woke up with a scream, rarely even moved when he came to. Just his eyes shot open, his breathing heavy as he tried to search the darkness for the monsters of his dreams. Dreams of a dystopian world with little to no chance of survival, him being the leader of a group of bright and always way too young soldiers. Most of the time though, he didn't even manage to memorize their faces before they fell as pawns by his hands and his decisions. 

The dreams felt so real that he had trouble separating them from real life. Didn't know whether he woke up in his house or a barrack. Today neither was the case. With shaking hands Erwin Smith searched the side of the bed for a light switch. In the barracks his hands never shook. In his house he needn't search for the light switch. Since he started having these nightmares, he found that sleeping with a night-light eased his experience of waking up. It helped him realize that the shadows were not looming over him, threatening to devour him like the creatures from his dreams. 

The light was too bright for him to see, when he finally found the switch. It illuminated the whole room, but he was forced to shield his eyes and wait for them to adjust. Deep breaths. In. Hold. Out. Again. Saying that Erwin Smith was paranoid was an understatement. A panic attack was almost unavoidable if any of his senses was left useless. He could not even rely on alcohol to take his worries, fearing that it would render him incapable of battle. Though he did not even know who he would battle against. 

He peeled back the drenched covers that were, thankfully, only drenched in sweat. It would be embarrassing to leave it to the hotel staff had it been drenched in, well... It wasn't though. His tenth night in a row. Must be a new record. 

The clock on his bedside table read 5.30 am, at home he would have slept better. With a groan Erwin lifted himself from his bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower, turning on every light in the rather large hotel room. Maybe he should schedule an appointment with his therapist. His paranoia was getting a bit worse, but it always was when his dreams took him onto the bloody battlefield. His right arm was beginning to hurt again as well. Psychosomatic, apparently. But the medication they'd given him didn't help much.

He locked the bathroom door, even though nobody shared the room with him and the cleaning staff wouldn't come by for another few hours. He also couldn't draw the shower curtain. He would start shivering at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. At home, his shower was behind glass, in a large bathroom and an at least familiar environment. 

His shower didn't last much longer than a few minutes, the shampoo hastily spread over his hair and scrubbed out. He couldn't wait for the water to warm up, but his body didn't only shiver from the cold as he scrubbed at his right arm and abdomen. He wasn't seeing blood. He wasn't bleeding. You're not bleeding. You're alive. You're not bleeding. You're alive. You're not bleeding. You're alive. 

He had a conference in a few hours. His hair was towel dried – the noise of a blow drier made him wary, too loud, too loud - and neatly combed back. He couldn't part it. Otherwise he would find himself looking for the familiar uniform and the dreaded bolo tie. 

He turned the TV on in the background to put his mind at ease. Just a random channel, with a lot of talking and preferably no shouting. It got better over the day, the more time he put between him and his nightmares from the previous night, the better he felt. The more he felt like the leader of a company that everyone looked up to, rather than the leader of an army that everyone despised.

One documentary about the birds of paradise later he found himself dressed in a suit, the shadows under his eyes concealed with a bit of make-up, his hands playing with the key card to his hotel room to hide the slight tremor that likely wouldn't go away for a couple more hours. 

Erwin was the first at the breakfast hall. A young woman of the hotel staff smiled at him as she set up a tray with freshly cut fruit. He smiled back, walking over to her. Conversation helped, that's what his therapist helped him figure out. Getting his mind off of things was always good. And a handsome businessman in his early thirties needs nothing more than a charming smile to start a pleasant conversation. 

The girl was a little young and shy, but Erwin found her blushing endearing. Unfortunately she did have to work, so he was left to sit alone at his table. He had no colleagues he could wait for. As the head of the company he had come on his own. The conference was initiated by a bigger chain of companies that would like to buy Erwin's business. Right now, they were trying to get him to sign a partnership agreement. Things looked quite good for Erwin's little company and he was well aware that it had the potential to grow monumentally in the close future, but he didn't disregard the possibility of selling it and turning to a different, more relaxed lifestyle. He just didn't want to be more... secluded... than he already was. 

The young woman from the hotel staff poured him another glass of juice and with a little wink, slid a sheet of paper over to him. He took her number and put it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket, giving her a charming smile. Maybe he'd call her.

But he didn't end up calling her. He thought about it. During the meeting, when he considered selling instead of a partnership. He saw himself in a little house in the suburbs or maybe out on the country. He could have a few horses and maybe a wife and children. But he had tried that before, with other women. They never stayed long. Money and looks weren't enough to get love and he was too broken for somebody to stay with him out of solely material reasons. He should probably be ashamed that he was considering to spend his life with someone who only stayed with him for the amount in his bank account, but Erwin often found himself craving closeness. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but more as comfort. A one-night-stand often brought closeness, but lacked the comfort and sometimes he just wanted another person to share the bed with. He was scared of waking up next to them though. Ashamed of their reaction if they saw what a mess he was underneath his well kept facade. 

So he doesn't end up calling her. And he also doesn't end up selling the company or signing the partnership agreement. He ends up walking the streets until late that night, contemplating to buy services from a woman at the corner. Contemplating only and it's not that he felt he should be too proud to do so, it was more that he didn't want another person to think ill of him. 

After a long stroll through the still lively streets of the large town, Erwin came back to his hotel room at around half past two in the morning. He could go to the hotel bar, but he avoided alcohol and didn't feel like public self-pity. Instead he pulled a pillow from his bed and sat down on the floor in front of the TV. He tried hard to find something non-sexual this late on TV, that might still be interesting enough to keep him awake for the night. He had the feeling the next dream would be worse than the last one and would rather go through that at home in his own bed. 

He settled on a Spanish childrens movie that ran this late at night out of some weird reason. Erwin didn't even speak Spanish, but he's rooting for the little dinosaur. Two documentaries, one romcom, lots of water and many bathroom visits and two large bags of chips later, because all-nighters make him really hungry, Erwin found himself on the balcony, watching the sunrise. 

The morning coffee barely kept his eyes from falling shut, but it's only a few more hours until his plane takes off and then he only needs to stay awake until the chauffeur picks him up. He chose to spend his flight in the economy class. It's louder, less comfortable and so much harder to fall asleep there. Just his luck that he sat right next to the tired german woman and her toddler. The little boy cried during take off and though he would have liked to distract him, Erwin is scared that his mother might ask to be seated away from the tall, shady stranger he must be to her. People didn't usually approve of him. But when she fell asleep after half an hour of drawing with the child, Erwin found himself holding quiet conversations with the kid. Though most of his german vocabulary had to do with his work, he could still hold a simple conversation. It mostly consisted of him answering an endless string of „why“ questions, but he had always been a patient person.

„Wha's that?“

„That is a „no smoking“ signal.“

„Why?“ 

„So that people know they aren't allowed to smoke here.“

„Why?“

„Because there is no way to let out the smoke and it would get really smelly in here.“ 

„Why?“

„Because smoke doesn't smell good.“

„Why?“

„I don't know, it's just not a pleasant smell.“

„Why?“

„I don't know because I don't smoke.“

„Why?“

„Because I don't want to.“

„Why?“

„I don't like the taste.“

„Why?“

„Do you like broccoli?“

„No.“

„Well, it tastes like broccoli.“

„Oh. Ew.“

„I know.“

The stewardess smiled at him and politely asked whether he would like something to drink. He thought about ordering another coffee, but settled for water instead. The kid did a good job at keeping him occupied already. 

„Here.“ 

The child pushed a drawing towards him. It's a small and coloured version of an abstract Masterpiece; a deformed metal construction appears to be caught in a storm of blue tornadoes that surround the entire paper in an energetic swirl. It must be capable of emotions, hence the smile and the wide eyes that lead to the assumption that it consumed some questionable and likely illegal substances. The holes torn in it's torso show grotesque visages, one with blue shining eyes and a yellow hat and the other with brown eyes and dark tendrils reaching out of its scalp. Both have an abnormally large mouth with straight rows of teeth they seem to bare at the viewer, their arm like appendages stretched out atop their heads in a threatening manner. 

„Wow, that's really good! Both of us on this plane and that's you and that's me? Very well done. I especially like the detailing! You even took my eye colour into account!“

The boy grinned, showing all of his teeth, obviously proud of himself and his masterpiece. He shoved it onto Erwin's tray table. 

„For me? Really?“ The boy nodded and Erwin carefully placed it back in front of him. 

„You need to sign it first. I'll hang it up and then everyone will know it's your masterpiece and not mine. I don't want to hog all your credit.“ The boy nodded enthusiastically and wrote his name in all capital letters. It read „ FON DIETER VÜR“. The name stirred something inside Erwin, a flicker of pain shooting through his heart. The boy, Dieter, paused and looked up at Erwin expectantly.

„Für Erwin.“ he said carefully, making sure to pronounce every letter and hoping that the little crack in his voice went by unnoticed. The W looked more like two Us next to each other, but it just added to the charm. He thanked the boy, took out his notebook and placed the little artwork in between the pages to keep the paper straight. 

He then proceeded to watch Tom and Jerry with the boy, listening to his commentary and finding his laughter to be contagious. When the boring adult shows started, the boy went back to colouring abstract things and making Erwin guess what they were. Erwin was surprisingly good and Dieter soon started to not actually draw things but just leave squiggles on the paper, waiting for Erwin to interpret them and giggling at the big words the man used. 

Only about an hour before landing Dieter fell asleep though, and Erwin placed his pillow underneath the child's head. If he slept in that position, he would wake up with the worst backaches imaginable. But the child didn't remain in that position. No, after about half an hour of twisting and turning he ended up with his head against Erwin's chest and his legs in his mothers lap. His mother woke up and was about to apologize but Erwin waved her off with a smile and let the boy sleep and drool on his suit. 

Dieter. It reminded him of... something.

The landing was a gift by the gods, since Erwin had found himself almost dosing off as well. Luckily he only had hand luggage with him and did not need to wait for his suitcase. He said good bye to Dieters mother and suppressed the urge to ruffle the boys hair. He was still asleep and Erwin neither wanted to wake him, nor give his mother a reason to be wary of him. 

The black Mercedes with the tainted windows was only a few metres away, and his chauffeur stepped out and opened the door for him. „Welcome home, Mr. Smith.“, he said with a polite smile. He took Erwin's luggage and placed it in the trunk. Erwin, not wanting to fall asleep in the car either, used the last few possible minutes of socializing for the day.

„Herbert, how is your family? Your daughter and wife are both well I hope?“  
„Yes, sir! She's going to University now. Studying law, I couldn't be more proud of her!“ Erwin had to smile at the enthusiasm in his voice. He also couldn't help the pinch of jealousy.

„Will she come visit you over thanksgiving?“ 

„Yes, sir! She's a marvellous cook so once I come home from work in the evening we'll have a large dinner.“

„Why don't you take the weekend off? I won't have anywhere to go and I'd rather have you spend the day with your family.“ A new wave of fatigue washed over him when he thought about the paperwork he'd likely do over the holidays. He had no one to spend them with and being productive was better than spending the day in front of the TV watching romantic comedies. 

After Erwin assured him that it would be paid leave, Herbert thanked him in a slightly exaggerated manner. Erwin wasn't cheap with his employees and he made sure to reward those who worked especially well. Herbert had been his one and only chauffeur, with him since the bright days of his little company had started. Plus due to some former cases of nightmares in the car he knew about Erwin's... night-time incontinence and had not said a single word about it to anybody. He earned a little thank you every once in a while. 

When Erwin was finally at his penthouse all he managed was to strip down to his boxers and fall asleep in his bed. This time wasn't bad. It really wasn't what he'd expected. Sometimes his dreams didn't start where they had finished the last night. Sometimes he found himself doing homework under the stern gaze of his father while the next night he was fighting on the battlefield, losing friends left and right. 

Tonight he was sitting in a dark hall at a large table. A few other people he recognized around him. Erwin wasn't aware he was dreaming, of course. He was only aware of Hanji's eyes, glowing with excitement as they talked about their most recent experiments and theories. Levi eyeing them sceptically from the side, lifting a slim eyebrow while sipping on his tea in a way only he managed to. They both sat opposite Erwin, while Mike and Nanaba were at his right. He was drinking some form of alcohol that made him feel light-headed rather quickly and soon there was only laughter. Levi making a comment about Hanji's greasy hair, Mike sniffing it and confirming that it was due for a washing. Nanaba joking about Levi not taking care of his spouse. Levi giving her a death glare and everybody but Levi laughing to the point of tears. In the end there was even the ghost of a smile on Levis face. 

Eleven. Eleven in a row. Maybe he was getting better. After a short moment of consideration Erwin decided against removing the 'special sheets' from his bed though. A lucky streak didn't mean it couldn't end any time soon. 

But Erwin felt a little rested and had managed to sleep well into noon. He had taken the liberty of taking the morning off. It was his company after all. With soft classical music from some mixed CD he'd made to calm down playing in the background, he quickly found himself chopping away at all kinds of fruit in the large kitchen. Cooking was one of his passions and, well, maybe he should have become a cook instead of a businessman. Then he would have a reason as well as people to share his hobby with. But since he didn't have the time nor anybody to cook for, the kitchen was only seldom touched. 

Fruit salad, an omelette and a large glass of fresh orange juice on the tray he situated himself at his kitchen table, foot tapping in tact to Frank Sinatra while he ate. Erwin took his time, wiggling his fork against his bowl, enjoying the sweetness of the strawberries on his tongue and letting his gaze wander to the large window wall. Maybe he'd do some work outside later. It looked like a lovely day. 

He grabbed his tablet from the couch table and went to sip at his orange juice. He'd just missed the news on TV and he wasn't subscribed to any newspapers so he would need to catch up this way. As expected, one of the largest headline on just about any news side was about his conference. SURVEY COMPANY declining a partnership with the chain ZACKLEY INC. Some even went much further into detail and placed a picture of Erwin at the conference underneath the headline. Did his face always look this emotionless and cold? No wonder his employees were intimidated. Erwin turned off his tablet and threw it back onto the couch. 

After a long, hot shower – his paranoia lessened due to a pleasant sleep, a comfortable environment and a lack of shower curtains – Erwin dressed in a casual white dress shirt and dark pants. Today, he did not even care whether his socks matched. Nobody would see him like this anyway. 

 

In a small, rundown coffee shop, searing hot tea was spilled over a pair of dark jeans. Colourful curses were uttered and in a hurry a silhouette stormed out onto the streets, knocking pedestrians out of the way while waiting for somebody somewhere to pick up a phone.

„Shit, c'mon, c'mon, COME ON!“

A cab was hailed, a poor taxi driver shouted at and finally somebody, somewhere picked up a phone.

„Yes! You won't believe who I just saw in the news!“

The poor taxi driver was too intimidated by whoever sat in the back-seat to disobey the yelled order to be as quick as possible. So he hurried through the traffic, out of town and onto the highway. He had only been given a vague description of his destination. The largest city around. Was he supposed to drive them to the city centre? Or let them out as soon as they were at the border?

Anyhow, the drive was a rather long one. Two hours at least and he wasn't sure whether his passenger had enough money on him to pay the fee. After an hour of tense silence in which he didn't dare glance into his rear-view mirror in fear of meeting those terrifying eyes, the phone rang again. 

„Yes?... PERFECT! Thank you. You handle everything while I'm gone. Take the weekend off or something. I'm not sure when I'll be back. Yes. Alright, good luck.“ 

Then he received an address and immediately regretted glancing in the mirror. Eyes glowing with such intensity that his blood froze in his veins and he broke into a cold sweat. Something told him he should call the police and have them sent a SWAT team. He spoke a quiet prayer when he parked outside of the hotel at last. 

„Here. Keep the change!“

He nodded, only later realizing that the money was short ten dollars, but no way in hell would he go after them. He did not have a death wish. 

 

It was 3.24pm when a bell announced that someone was using the elevator to his penthouse. Not even the hotel staff had a key. Erwin went to the kitchen, placed his cup in the sink and grabbed the revolver that was hidden on top of the large refrigerator. He knew where it lay, and due to his size barely had to stretch to get it. You would have to be far taller than Erwin to spot it and only if you knew what you were searching for. 

He switched the safety off, holding the gun at his side as he calmly made his way over to the elevator. Whoever went into his house was trespassing and Erwin knew nobody who would come over for a surprise visit with good intentions. 

Oddly enough, in moments like these, his hands weren't shaking. He would probably have been able to administer a perfect kill shot from a distance of forty meters like this. He had never needed these skills before, but some nagging feeling in the back of his head kept him alert as if situations like these were a daily occurrence. He felt used to them and luckily that same voice had made sure that his physique as well as his shooting and riding skills were top of the line. Speaking of which, Erwin would have to pay Charlotte, his trusty grey horse mare, a visit sometime soon. 

The elevator made a ping sound and Erwin lifted his gun, intending for this to be a kill shot. But the second the doors opened time stopped. He felt hyper aware. The muscles in his hand loosening one by one until the revolver fell at an agonizingly slow speed. But that didn't even matter, compared to the sight before his eyes. His heart beat in his ears, so loud he felt he could hear every single platelet it pumped. His breath grew laboured and a weird shimmer threatened to dim his eyesight. 

No! He had to see... He needed to see...

„Hanji...“, was all he could breathe, but Hanji had already lunged themselves at him. Legs locked behind his hips and hands clawing into his shoulder blades. Erwin could feel their hot breath against his ear.

„Hanji...“ His hands wrapped around the thin waist, rubbing up and down touching arm, hip, then shoulder, in the end holding both their waist as well as their head. He could feel wetness staining his white dress shirt. Were they crying?

„Hanji?“ The concern in his cracking voice was evident and the brunette lifted their head.

„Erwin... oh, silly! Why are you crying?“ Hanji took a second to wipe at their eyes and then went to wipe at Erwin's, sniffing slightly. 

But Erwin couldn't answer. His hand was still cupping Hanji's head, stroking greasy brown hair with so much care and disbelief in his eyes, Hanji couldn't help but sob.

„H-hanji.“ It was all he could say even though his voice was breaking. It was all he could think. Hanji. Hanji! HanjiHanjiHanji! And before he knew it, he had sunk to the ground, with this complete stranger he had never met before in his lap and no intention of releasing them of his hug any time soon. 

He could only think back to the times when all of them used to sit together, drink and laugh. The greasy hair, the contagious laugh, those glowing eyes whenever the topic shifted to Hanji's newest experiments. How they would beg Erwin and plead and write out whole argumentations to get more funding for experiments or equipment. Oh Hanji. Right now, at this moment, if Hanji were to ask, Erwin would pluck the stars from the sky, extinguish the sun and knit a thousand titan-sized blankets himself. Just please, please don't be a dream. 

Before he could even waste a thought about what he was doing, he buried his face in Hanji's chest and began sobbing like a child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beware the smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this is going to read itself a bit rushed, which is intentional. I wanted to play a bit with some writing techniques, might have overdone it though. The way this is written is supposed to reflect Erwin's uneasy mood. There's also a bit where Erwin changes Hanji's pronouns which is, also, intentional. The reason I took so long, even though this chapter was actually finished when i posted the first one was because this is my first time writing smut. I believe I have a done a terrible job at it and depending on your feedback I may or may not ever do it again:D   
> That being said have fun and don't worry, the next chapters will be less confusing from now on.

Chapter 2:

They were warmth. Erwin wasn't shivering anymore. They were comfort. Erwin wasn't craving anymore. They were healing. Erwin wasn't hurting anymore. And the lack of cold, emptiness and pain made him realize how terrible his life had been. Up until this moment. 

His fingers were buried in the material of their shirt like claws of a cat holding on to something, anything so that it wouldn't drown. Don't let my drown. Don't let me drown, Hanji. 

„H-h-h-h“ he was sobbing... maybe. Breathing? His chest hurt.

„Erwin, shhhhhhhh.“ That voice was bliss, pure bliss. Did they know that? Should he tell them?

„H-h-h-ha-“

Now they were cradling his head, maybe his entire body. He couldn't see them, they were washed-out somehow...

„I'm here. It's okay.“ Were they crying? Hanji, please don't cry. 

„Ha-hanji!“

„Breathe, okay? God fuckin damnit.“ Then everything went dark and he could feel their cheek pressed against his and their hair tickled his ear. Breathe? They sounded like they were hyperventilating. They should breathe.

„Ha-h-han-“ On second thought, he should breathe too. 

It took a small eternity for the two to calm themselves down past the point of sobbing and hyperventilating. They held onto each other for dear life until Erwin managed to control himself enough to stop his tears. When he eased himself backwards, to make sure Hanji was...there, he could see that they had yet to manage coming that far. Carefully, Erwin took off their glasses, laid them far enough aside so they wouldn't be crushed by his weight and cupped their cheeks. 

„Hey.“

Hanji smiled at him, but the tears kept on flowing. He rubbed his thumbs over their cheeks and smiled back. 

„Hey.“

„Erwin?“

„Yes?“

„I missed you.“

Who was this woman?

He had never met her before. She had come barging into his flat, no call, no key, no weapon. He had never spoken her name aloud before, never held her hand, hugged her or given her a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. This was the first time he had ever actually met this person. His first initial reaction had been...this. Oh, what she must think of him!

„Miss... Zoe. I'm terribly sorry about this. I cannot begin to understand what came over me. Please.“ He lifted himself off the floor and offered her a hand to help her up. She took it, albeit with clear reluctance and overcome by confusion. 

It was quiet then, the atmosphere growing thick. Erwin felt a slight panic come up inside him. What if they left now? What if they left forever and he would never see them again? Never feel like this again. This light, this... alive. 

„Mr. Smith, I apologize.“ There was a hint of sadness in her eyes as she spoke. It was as if the moment they had just shared was entirely forgotten. Erwin wanted to forget it, but he also didn't. He felt ashamed. He had never experienced an outburst like that before. Some part of him forced him to lock it away again. To straighten his back and his dress shirt. To pick up the glasses and hand them to the stranger woman. To casually walk over to the door, pick up the gun and place it on the kitchen counter as if he had not meant to shoot his unannounced visitor upon their arrival. 

„No need.“, he said, trying to sound as casual about this as possible. There was no denying what had just happened, but he was scared that... Well, he... It was just that...

„I should probably get going then.“ 

Oh no, please don't.

„Yes, I believe that would be best.“ 

„Well, then, I apologize for the intrusion...“

No, stop them!

„...and my inexcusable behavior.“

Hanji, wait! You can't mean that! Stay here, please! I can't let you go!

„It was partly my fault as well. I wish you a safe journey home, Miss Zoe.“

Not even a kiss on the cheek. The elevator doors closed and there he stood. In an apartment that was too large, in a world that was too cold without comfort and full of pain. Erwin hated himself. Erwin outright despised himself. He had always been a selfish person. Always thought about his goals first. His dreams. His fathers dream. 

But Erwin didn't know his father. The man had left before Erwin was born. Still, he followed a dream, didn't he? To prove that what his father had said about the titans was true. 

...Titans. 

Hanji. 

Hanji!

„Hanji!“

The elevator doors couldn't open fast enough. It took by far too long to reach the ground floor, yet it took no time at all. Hadn't even left the building yet. Right there! Right in front of him! It was so close. His life, his future, his dream, it was so close he could almost touch it. 

Almost...

there...

„Hanji!“

They whirled around and the sadness in their eyes made way to confusion and then to a blinding light. That wonderful light they held whenever they were full of passion. Whenever they would tell him about their new inventions and ideas and plans and Sawney and Bean and

„Oufffffff...“ They slammed right into his chest, both arms wrapped around him once more and he lost his footing, slipped and fell onto his backside. Hard.

To Hanji, that didn't matter. Their heads were centimeters from each other and, dammit, they had almost thrown away their chance at a reunion. It wasn't clear who started it, but without further ado, their lips had found each other. 

His socks. How had he forgotten? He was only wearing his socks and they didn't even match!

And Hanji was in heaven because good lord Erwin could kiss! They slipped their tongue in between his lips and swore that fireworks exploded as he hoisted them both up in the air and carried them back towards the elevator.

He was down in the hotel lobby without shoes and not only that! No! His socks didn't even match! And they were there for the whole world to see. Everybody was judging him. I don't always wear dotted on the left and striped on the right, I swear!

This man was eager! He just couldn't wait to get them back to his apartment and Hanji didn't complain. Back at that moment when he had switched, from their Erwin back to a stranger, they had feared they'd lost him. That, maybe, he didn't remember like they did. And now, as he pushed them into the elevator and their back hit the metal wall with such force that Hanji possibly maybe likely would still feel that tomorrow, they were overcome by such joy and relief that they felt they could burst into tears again. Hanji had their Commander back.

He just needed to get back into his apartment and shield his feet from the prying view of those judging people. It was his off day! He was allowed to wear non-matching socks! He had his life under control god damnit!

And Hanji could feel the vibe! The athmosphere was so intense they felt shivers run down their spine. They were both trapped in their own little world. Only Hanji and Erwin existed and it got them going! This was sooo much better than those detailed erotica novels they'd bought themself out of frustration. It didn't even matter that Erwin's hair wasn't shoulder length and that he wasn't a sailor! They prefered soldiers anyway.

Inside! Phew. Now, before Hanji notices, take off your socks. 

Hanji was so focused on the kiss that it almost slipped past them that he was undressing already. They didn't remember him to be so eager with anything other than humanity's victory! What a pleasant surprise. 

„I was worried you didn't remember.“, Hanji whispered in between kisses. Erwin finally pulled his attention away from his socks and furrowed his brows, opening his eyes. 

„I'm sorry!“, he blurted out, staring at them wide eyed. He looked like someone had told him wall Maria had fallen all over again. Hanji leaned back, now it seemed to be their turn to cup his face.

„It's okay. You remember and that's all that matters right now.”

And Erwin wanted to break down because Hanji was right! They were here. They were alive. They were together. And out of everything, he had been worried about his socks! He still didn't realize, still couldn't fully grasp the reality of just who he was holding in his arms right now. 

But he wanted to. He wanted to fill that void in his heart that pained so much and so suddenly. Thinking back to all those years he spent without Hanji, without any of them, the pain of it all hit him full force. His chest seemed to open up and he clawed at them, his arms pulling them tight, tighter, with all his might because there was nothing he wanted more, needed more than to be one with them. To feel them. Hear them.

He wanted to kiss them but at the same time needed to look into those burning, flaming eyes. While their hands cupped his cheeks he held them close, stared and just breathed. Their mouths were almost touching, maybe their lips were. Maybe they were already one. Who knew?

Erwin didn't know whether this triggered him to speak. But when they disappeared from each other's view once more, slowly distorted by a thin film of tears, he felt the need to confess to Hanji. 

“Hanji...”, Tell them everything he'd ever kept from them, give them everything they ever asked for and finally, finally come clean. 

“...My socks don't match!” Welp, at least it's a start, right?

Hanji took a step back, breaking the embrace. Before Erwin could apologize for his lack of tact, they had pulled up both their pant legs and flashed him the most beautiful, terrifying grin. 

“Mine never do.” And indeed they didn't. One was ankle height and striped like a rainbow in a mostly pastel color, while the other reached mid calve and sported a nice couple of... reindeer?

“Uhm...” 

“Uh-ho no! Don't you dare judge me! I really like Christmas, okay?!” Erwin would never dare judge them. He himself quite enjoyed the decoration part of that holiday. 

“I have a tie with polar bears on it.” He practically spat in their face in his hurry to make them feel better, but that was okay because they had already exchanged plenty of those fluids. And Hanji seemed intent on exchanging some more. 

They pulled him down by the collar of his shirt, crashing lips and clashing teeth in between muffled laughs. Erwin had never met a person with eyes this expressive. He could feel the fire they held. A fire that promptly ignited within him as well. Hanji groaned as he moved his groin against theirs. 

Their hands scrambled to get a hold of his annoyingly, arousingly tight shirt, because damn those muscles. Erwin didn't even notice, too occupied with the task of getting as many hickies onto their neck as possible. Those damn button holes were too damn small and him slowly dragging his all too noticeable erection over their crotch didn't help matters either. 

Fuck this! He owned more shirts than this one! Hopefully the same, tight size...

He chuckled darkly as they tore his shirt open, the many little buttons jumping aside to make way for every survey corps soldier's night time fantasy. Hanji may have had the one or the other dream as well, but they'd slept next to Levi on more than one occasion to know that they weren't alone with that. 

Their hands drove along his chest and Hanji couldn't help that little schoolgirl giggle as they squeezed his pectoral muscles. In turn, they also couldn't help the moan as Erwin's large hand sneaked underneath their blouse and bra, to squeeze their breasts in turn. 

It was almost frustrating when he sat up to undo the blouse but at least that gave them the opportunity to undo his belt. Hanji toed off their shoes and socks while Erwin pulled down his pants and threw them aside.

In the survey corps, there is little to no privacy. They relieved themselves next to each other on expeditions, they showered and dressed together and they slept huddled close when comfort or warmth was needed. Hanji had seen Erwin before, but never groomed and never erect. And oh boy...

“Your briefs can't contain him.”, Hanji stated and - way to ruin the moment for Erwin – added a whispered “Now begins the first expedition of your dick.” If this had been anyone other than Hanji saying such a thing about him, Erwin wouldn't have found it arousing. But there, in those loose, dark jeans, with their sun-kissed skin and those soft, supple breasts that fit into his hands just right, he only felt the fire within him grow. 

He fell to his knees in front of this beautiful creature, kissed his way down from their chest to their navel and slipped a finger underneath the hem of their pants. Hanji's fingers threaded through his hair, scratching the back of his head and neck, making him moan in response. It was hard to keep eye-contact while he slid the loose fabric down their legs. But even when their underwear followed Erwin seemed to find their eyes so much more important. And while his hands went to grab their butt and hoisted them in the air, their legs slung around his waist. 

Those eyes were beautiful and truly the mirror to Hanji's soul, because whatever it was that he wanted to tell them at this very moment, those eyes said it right back to him. There were no words needed, just heated kisses and moans. Caressing and loving touches and whispering each others names as they collided with the next wall. 

Hanji shuddered as Erwin's fingers slid between their legs. He bit their bottom lip, lightly tugging on it, while rubbing slow circles around their clit with his thumb. Hanji's had sex with well endowed people before, but was still grateful when Erwin slid first one and then, once he noticed how wet they already were, a second finger inside them. A little preparation was always appreciated.

His lips moved from their mouth to their cheek, licked a trail up their jaw and lightly bit their ear. His fingers crooked finding their spot and he continuously stroked it with a come-hither motion, trapping her bucking hips against the wall. Hanji threw their head back, effectively banging it against the hard surface. 

“Ow...”, they hissed and laughed at the same time, shuddering when Erwin removed his fingers from between their wet folds. 

“Careful.”, he murmured with a smile and went back to kissing their mouth. His one hand slid up their side, supporting their back while his other grabbed at their thigh and he maneuvered them both around the glass table, past the bookshelves and onto the large, dark leather couch. 

“Erwin, come on.”, Hanji growled and kissed his chest, taking a nipple between their teeth and biting down until he gasped. Erwin threw them onto the cushions and sat in between their legs. 

“You'll regret that.”, he snarled, his hands latching onto their hips and yanking them towards him so forcefully, that they let out a startled gasp. 

Hanji remembered his hands to be rougher, calloused from the 3DM-gear, with cracked and broken nails, littered with small scratches and minor burns from training and titans. Now, they were soft, with immaculate skin, perfectly manicured nails and two hands instead of one that lightly stroked their inner thighs, his thumbs circling the juncture of their legs. 

He pressed another heated kiss to their lips and stroked his hard length a few times. Lord knew where he got the condom from. Hanji couldn't remember him grabbing it from anywhere, then again, they had been a bit occupied. 

Erwin tore open the package and Hanji's hand went to feel his thighs and his firm ass while he rolled the condom on. This was taking decidedly too long for the both of them and Hanji showed this by digging their fingernails into the flesh of Erwin's nicely rounded cheeks. With a yelp, Erwin thrust his hips forward, away from Hanji's squeezing hands. He masked his sudden movement by falling forward and chest to chest on top of Hanji, one hand on either side of their head. 

“Move, Commander!”, they growled and tried to pull him into their warmth. Erwin bit the tip of Hanji's nose.

“Oh I'll move alright.”

Hanji held their breath in anticipation as Erwin's right hand sneaked between their bodies, first over their left breast, then down their sides, along their hips and onto their thigh. His thumb gently caressed the skin there, while he pushed Hanji's legs further apart. Hanji latched onto his lips and reached up to ruffle a hand through his hair. Erwin's hand left their thigh and closed around his erection, sliding the tip against their entrance. If there was one thing that Hanji lacked, it was patience.

Their hands went around him to firmly grab his ass and pull him into them. He was bigger than anticipated and it felt every bit as good as they had hoped, if not even better. According to Erwin's groan, he felt the same way. 

He went slowly at first, grinding into them while trying to keep his eyes open. Meanwhile, Hanji's hands wandered along his sides, down and back up, raking their nails across his skin until his thrusts got faster. Hanji snaked their legs around his hips and pinched his nipples.

“Fuck...”, Erwin muttered and Hanji noted how his muscles flexed and his thrusts halted. 

It was quiet for a moment, Erwin had his eyes closed and then buried his head in her neck, groaning. 

“Did you just...?”

Erwin continued groaning and refused to look at Hanji. Had he really just? It hadn't even been two minutes!

“Erwin?”

Erwin took a deep breath, braced himself and mumbled an apology. A heaviness settled in his stomach and seemed to push against his lungs. What Hanji must be thinking of him now. They must have expected more, hell he had expected more. It had been some time since he had last been with someone, but this? This was pathetic. He was a grown man, not a weakling and a...

“Hey, you okay?”

Hanji's fingers began combing through his hair. It was soothing, oddly comforting. He couldn't remember the last time someone has done this with his hair. His mother maybe? 

“Erwin?”

Anyway. 

With a low purr, he lifted his head and silenced Hanji with another kiss. Then he crawled down their body and halted at their hips. They looked at him, partly confused, partly worried until he leaned down to press his nose into their curls. 

“Your turn.”, he purred and pressed another kiss to the inside of their thigh. He fully intended for this to make up for his one-and-a-half-minute fiasco. Maybe it would get rid of his racing heartbeat and his heavy chest. By the time Erwin's tongue grazed her folds Hanjis hands were already buried in his hair again. Their legs locked around his head as he licked slowly and carefully, alternating between kissing and whispering their name. His hands held Hanjis hips, his fingers tickling the soft skin above their hipbones. 

He noted fondly how their musculature wasn't as distinct as he remembered it to be. It was nice to know that they now had no need to keep in top shape. They could just lean back and enjoy. He squeezed the little bit of fat and relished in Hanjis squirming. 

“Beautiful...” 

Hanji shuddered as they felt the vibrations of his voice spread through their entire body. He had added his fingers into the play and Hanji found that they, much like Erwin, couldn't endure quite as much as they had expected. Their hips bucked and Hanji came with Erwin's name on their lips. 

They pulled him up to rest on top of them, their arms encasing him as they shared a look through the pleasurable haze. 

“Hanji?”

“Huh?”

“Could you...” Erwin wasn't sure how to word this and not sound desperate. “Would you mind... would you like to stay? The night?” 

Hanjis brows furrowed. Oh, they didn't want, oh. That was alright. That was... fine. He had work to do anyway, no need to waste his weekend with...

“I'm staying for thanks giving thank you. We have way too much to talk about. If you want me to leave sometime soon you better throw me out, but I'm not leaving on my own free will. Besides, your couch is comfier than my bed...”

“Would you like to know how comfortable my bed is then?” Erwin wasn't sure where that had come from. 

Hanjis grin was answer enough though and Erwin climbed off them, placing a kiss on their nose. 

“Wait here, I gotta get something ready. I wasn't expecting visitors.”

He walked into his bedroom, barefoot, and went to quickly change his bedsheets. He was used to this. It took two minutes tops. Only a little longer than he had lasted with Hanji. Erwin wanted to be buried under ground to escape the embarrassment. 

“Are you changing your sheets?” Hanji had keen ears. “Are there polar bears on those too?”

Erwin laughed. “Something like that.” 

He made sure to stuff his old sheets far into the depths of his closet. Eleven days was a good streak. He should be hopeful. It could go on for one or two more nights. 

His room was immaculate. All rooms in his flat were. He still pulled the curtains to the side a bit. A bit more. Not that much. Turned the lamp next to the bed on and the big one off. Okay, that should be fine. 

Hanji laughed when he came back. They sat leaned back on the couch, their lush brown hair framed their breasts beautifully and Erwin found himself transfixed by them once more. Hanji smiled.

“Woah there. Ready to go another round?” They stood up and walked up to him, put their arms around his neck and jumped him. He should have expected that. 

Nonetheless, Erwin obediently carried Hanji to his bedroom, closed the door behind them and went to bed with them. Apparently, he would not spend this thanksgiving on his own.


End file.
